You don’t know until it’s too late.

I love living in a small town in rural Kansas. Maybe I’m crazy, but it feels welcome here. Everything I need is a short drive down the road, and the weather is fantastic. You might believe that last line, but not if you’re from the Midwest. The weather is a special kind of stupid here. This is our third day of Tornado Watches splashed across my TV screen.

Why can’t tornadoes ask if we want them around. Of course we’d say no. They’re pretty inconsiderate. Watching my windows getting pounded by hail and tree branches has really taught me about life. Like homeowner’s insurance is a good thing to have and can calm anxiety significantly. I’ve also learned that cats get super hateful during storms. They also want to cuddle, despite the fact that all they really wanna do is claw your face off. Also, haunted houses in thunderstorms basically suck.

But obviously the most important thing here, is that I have 5 cans of ice cold PBR left.

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It’s the small things

In life, there are few things that are “set in stone”; the older you get, the more few and far between these defined select few things we’ll come across in our lives that remain unchanged. The world is full of challenges and trials, so many at times, that it may be hard to focus on what’s in front of us. Our families, or friends, our whole lives. It seems like the walls are spinning, and there’s nothing you can do to hold on. Your days of “going with the flow” are long gone. You’re done. That’s it.

Remember that moment. Because that place: that dark place, is where changes happen. When you’ve had too much. When you’re at your rock bottom.

You can only go up from there.

A little heart

While we all get drunk and glutton on carbs and beef, and random meat odds and ends in tube shapes, we need to grasp when Memorial Day is all about, our soldiers who have faught so hard for our right to do that. Maybe we don’t all believe in the war and maybe we don’t all believe in the same things and maybe we don’t even have the same belief on war and that’s okay! Some one died for your right to believe that. More and more keep dying for your right, to say and think whatever you want. So I ask all of my friends both new and old, to think of those who die everyday, for your right to eat that hotdog. Have a safe and happy Memorial Day.

finding myself

As I get older, I find myself in a quandary. I’m stuck somewhere between wanting to work hard and make money, and wanting to stay youthful and party. I recently relocated to Baltimore Maryland (yes, the place with the riots) and the big city life has left me energized and ready to tackle everything! The prospects in a place this big are endless! I find myself often wondering what to do. I have a job now, i was here a little over a week before I found one, and having some cash is a welcome change.

Being in the city though, I’ve started to “find myself”. Now, it could be because I’m almost 28, and overdue for a revelation…and I welcome that as a possibility. But, it could also be attributed to the cities vibrancy, and energy. Whatever the cause, I find myself surprisingly welcomed and not at all as lost as I thought I would be.

A Revelation in Fairy Tales

All of this moving around has been crazy, and since we spent most of our time not knowing if we would be able to return any books borrowed, I’ve shied away from libraries. However, we are somewhat more stable now and a few days ago I ventured into our public library. It’s been my desire for several months now, to find a few good books on mythological creatures. I am fascinated more by the possibility of their existence than anything else, so I had a specific niche in mind. I wanted to find books that would aid me in proving that fairies, unicorns, vampires and trolls existed. Sure, I love all mythological creatures, but these four are my main focus. I just finished an amazing book on the Little People, some times called fae, that has made me want to communicate with a fairy. I know, I know, “fairies don’t exist”. But, what if they do? Just cause you have never seen one doesn’t mean that they aren’t out there. The possibility is intoxicating to me. Maybe all we need to do is believe. Do you?

No WiFi, no problem?

The Internet is a huge part of my life, and with more advancements happening every second it seems like, technology is only going to become more a part of our lives. So naturally, slow Internet is a major downer. As I type this from my phone, I am realizing how difficult it is to much without WiFi, using only data. I’m sure once my cable/net company hooks it up I will have something far more witty to write. For now, there’s this.

I’m probably a sociopath.

so·ci·o·path
ˈsōsēōˌpaTH/
noun
  1. a person with a personality disorder manifesting itself in extreme antisocial attitudes and behavior and a lack of conscience.

Okay, by this (horribly vague) definition that I grabbed off Google, I may indeed be a sociopath. I mean I love and I didn’t think Sociopath’s could love. But I’m not even sure if I really love. I get attached to things, and it really hurts when they’re not there any more. But honestly, what is love? Love is subjective anyway, and 50 people with give you 51 definitions of what love is to them. So if no one has a concrete understanding of the word love, and if it can’t even be defined, how then can one know if they are indeed in love?

I asked my best friend this today, and her response was that I wasn’t in love and had never been because if I had then I would already know what it feels like. I’m not so sure though. And it really goes beyond my emotions (or lack of, because most days I am just one flat “I’m here” all day) It’s how I interact with people. I tend to talk over people, some times on purpose (stupidity annoys me) but most often it’s because I really don’t pay attention to what people say. I’m hearing one part and then forming my response as they finish. As soon as I know what I’m going to say I just say it. Regardless of if they are talking or if they have been waiting for me to say something for over a minute.

This of course, leads into awkward conversations and strained social interactions. I have little to no knowledge while this is going on that I am doing anything wrong. I talk and laugh and have as much of a conversation as I can manage (people also annoy me) and then I’m done. Simply done. I have no more desire to anything and when I’m finished I just stop talking. The person will eventually wonder away and I know they think I’m a bitch. And maybe I am. I probably am.

Just one more…..

Procrastination. Dilly-Dallying. Idling. Loitering. Delaying. Frittering. Loafing. Puttering.

Whatever you call it, it’s consumed me right now. I have two essays to write a quiz to take and a few discussions to post. Online college is not as easy as everyone thinks. I’m not sure it’s for me.

I’ve moved!

Hello! I have so many followers that I wanted to make sure everyone knows that I have moved my blogs that I currently have open to another wordpress account. Don’t worry! I’m still on wordpress and I don’t plan on going anywhere! You can find my new stuff at: https://unicornssparkle.wordpress.com/

I’ll be keeping this blog open I’m thinking, but transferring it over to that account… And it’ll be getting a make over of both content and design! Happy blogging.