I’m probably a sociopath.

  1. a person with a personality disorder manifesting itself in extreme antisocial attitudes and behavior and a lack of conscience.

Okay, by this (horribly vague) definition that I grabbed off Google, I may indeed be a sociopath. I mean I love and I didn’t think Sociopath’s could love. But I’m not even sure if I really love. I get attached to things, and it really hurts when they’re not there any more. But honestly, what is love? Love is subjective anyway, and 50 people with give you 51 definitions of what love is to them. So if no one has a concrete understanding of the word love, and if it can’t even be defined, how then can one know if they are indeed in love?

I asked my best friend this today, and her response was that I wasn’t in love and had never been because if I had then I would already know what it feels like. I’m not so sure though. And it really goes beyond my emotions (or lack of, because most days I am just one flat “I’m here” all day) It’s how I interact with people. I tend to talk over people, some times on purpose (stupidity annoys me) but most often it’s because I really don’t pay attention to what people say. I’m hearing one part and then forming my response as they finish. As soon as I know what I’m going to say I just say it. Regardless of if they are talking or if they have been waiting for me to say something for over a minute.

This of course, leads into awkward conversations and strained social interactions. I have little to no knowledge while this is going on that I am doing anything wrong. I talk and laugh and have as much of a conversation as I can manage (people also annoy me) and then I’m done. Simply done. I have no more desire to anything and when I’m finished I just stop talking. The person will eventually wonder away and I know they think I’m a bitch. And maybe I am. I probably am.


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